Cry properly

Crying is an instinctive action of the body, helping us to reduce stress, express our emotions and connect with others better.

Natalie Dattilo, clinical psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston (USA) and lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, asserts: “One of the best ways to make you feel better, it’s cry”.

Illustration: WSJ

Psychologists say that people tend to cry more when they are in trouble. When we experience prolonged stress, lack of sleep, anxiety about the future, or social disconnection, our defenses weaken. When these things reach the limit of endurance, people will look for tissues to wipe their tears.

Dr. Vingerhoets of Tilburg University in the Netherlands and colleagues spent 30 years studying in 35 countries to find out when crying is beneficial. They found that people felt better after crying and being comforted by others. And it helps when people cry over something they feel can be controlled.

We cry all our lives, he said. When we were young, we cried because of physical pain. As we age, we shed tears because of empathy for the suffering of others or for emotional reasons. At all ages, we cry when we feel helpless or frustrated and when we experience loss or separation.

Research by Dr. Vingerhoets shows that women cry more than men, two to five times a month, and men cry once every two months or less.

Men are less likely to cry over simple things, such as a computer crash. This may be because men have a culture of suppressing tears and because testosterone inhibits crying. But men will cry when faced with serious situations, such as loss or heartbreak. And men tend to cry more easily as they get older.

How do you benefit from crying? Here are some expert tips.

Find a safe place

“If you want to cry to be beneficial, you need to do it in a situation where you feel comfortable,” says Lauren Bylsma, an assistant professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Pittsburgh who studies crying. speak.

Most people prefer to cry at home, alone or with another close person, between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m., she said.

A friend can help

Research shows that crying can be most emotional when we do it in front of others and receive support, such as a close friend or lover.

Dr. Bylsma suggests a way to attract the comfort you need by saying, “I don’t need you to fix this. I just need a cry to relieve it.” You will feel more comfortable.

Some people find a hug or physical contact particularly helpful. This experience can also help people bond with each other.

Cry alone

You may feel more relaxed and less self-conscious. Let your tears flow ugly and that can create great emotional release. Some people find it easier to focus and process their emotions alone.

Don’t be ashamed

“That would negate the positive benefits of crying,” says Dr. Focus on what upsets you, not your reaction.

Research by Dr. Vingerhoets and colleagues has shown that, contrary to what many people think, people who cry often are not considered weak by others when they cry. Instead, people who cry are seen as trustworthy and honest.

Allow yourself

Treat this as self-care and take it easy. Set out a box of tissues and think about what makes you sad. Dr. Dattilo stresses that crying can be a very good therapy and a way to strengthen the muscles that regulate your emotions.

If you need to cry, choose a movie, book, or music that moves you. Be sure to choose something that “touches your heart”.

“If you feel like there’s something you need to deal with, cry,” Dr. Bylsma says. “Holding back tears takes a lot of effort, and over time, it will bring you down.”

Minh Duc (According to WSJ)


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