Accidentally letting their children catch them while living is a “nightmare” for many couples, but according to experts, this is an opportunity to educate the child about sex.
Renowned sexologist Logan Levkoff told CNN: “Children that stumble across an adult sex are a common experience in many families. But before you decide to say anything to your child, it is important to determine whether Does the child care about what’s going on or not “. According to this expert, sometimes the child does not see as much as you think, or they simply do not pay attention to it as much as you imagine but depending on the child’s specific age, parents need to respond. treat it accordingly.
Marriage and family professionals often receive “cries for help” from many couples regarding: “What should I do when my child accidentally sees my couple having sex?”. Most parents consider it a “nightmare”.
While it is normal for children to go through sex discovery, it is very important for adults in the home to maintain a proper boundary.
Children should absolutely not witness the relationship of their parents or relatives in the house. Therefore, it is common advice for parents to lock their bedroom door and turn on music so as not to make any sensitive sounds. Experts also recommend that parents should store sensitive items such as condoms, sex toys … in a very discreet place, avoiding for children to see and arise curiosity.
However, in the case of a child seeing sex?
Experts affirmed that, even in the case of children discovering the incident, no matter how old the child is, parents should not yell, get angry to hide their shame. “Sex is natural, adults need privacy, but not so that sex is a shameful thing.” If you turn to yell at children, they will question why their parents are so angry, curious about the reason for the behavior, or misunderstand that “what they are doing is shameful. “.
In the event that you have set specific boundaries on privacy (close the door, turn off the lights) and the child still comes in and sees a sensitive scene, distract the child by addressing the reason. Why is this boundary breached. For example ask: “Did you forget to knock on the door?”.
When the child suddenly comes in, you can also say to your child: “You should go back to the bedroom, parents need private space”. This can make children realize that they are invading the privacy of their parents, and lose focus on what they are doing.
In addition, how to solve this problem depends on the age of the child. For children of different ages, parents should use different methods.
With babies, children under 6 years old, children will not know, or mistake that their parents beat their mothers, hurt their mothers … It is advisable to soothe the children that their parents are loving each other, so that the children are soothed and forget about there.
For children of primary school age up to the teenage threshold and already have a certain curiosity about the child’s gender, experts recommend that attention should be paid to how the child feels and to stop talking about it if he feels uncomfortable. In many cases, 10-year-old children see their parents having sex very uncomfortable. In this case, you should not mention it directly, but skillfully buy books for your children to read, so that your children understand that sex is a normal private thing for couples. For children who are not upset but also ask questions: “What are you doing?”, “Why did you take off all your clothes?”, You should best not lie, but also should not explain thoroughly. . Although they do not fully understand the nature of sex, this young person can gradually become aware that this is what a loving parent will do. So, you can turn your shame away and turn it into an opportunity to educate your child.
Teenagers are subject to a lot of sexual knowledge, so you will not need to explain much to your child. However, with this age of children, parents need to be more discreet and confidential when they are intimate. Note carefully the door lock, relationship in private space. When children see their parents lock the door, an adolescent with a correct understanding of sex will understand for themselves that physical love between husband and wife is essential in marriage, is the foundation of a married life. happy.
Thuy Linh (According to UDN)