What outlet for “aunts” in China?


Old unmarried women are under great pressure from relatives and public opinion. Some people “close their eyes and legs” have had to suffer the consequences.

Khau Hoa Mai, 34, a prominent Beijing-based female lawyer “vows” to get married but only accepts “qualified subjects”. The condition that the female lawyer proposed is that the man must be well educated, can share the housework, respect women’s choices in all aspects, including fertility.

It sounds like these requests are not too much, but the matchmaking agency’s people shocked Khau by their own assessment:

She is not beautiful. Her age is synonymous with “low fertility”. She is so strong that she may not be a good wife or mother. She is not feminine, so she will not be appreciated for emotional value.

Qiu Hua Mai is a famous female lawyer in Beijing. But because she is not married, in her hometown, she is still considered at the bottom of society. Image: qq.

Stitch does not accept what the matchmaker says is true. She proves her advantages such as high education, being a lawyer, good income, regular exercise so her health is good … But under the eyes of a matchmaker, there is no advantage to compensate. for a fatal flaw: Age.

With this female lawyer, marriage does not mean much, as long as the needs are not too high, everyone can take control of their own life. However, when he started to age, unmarried women like Khau were called “aunties” (in Chinese, women) – to refer to women who are talented, educated and independent but over the age of end. kiss for a long time but still not married

“At this point, I understand the greatest value of women in the marriage and love market, which can only be encapsulated in two words: Youth”, Ms. Khau said.

When Cai Ky got married at the age of 39, his friends were very surprised. She is a teacher at a university and an active activist for the feminist movement. Her husband is from the countryside, so in terms of family background, education and social status, her husband is completely inferior. The only reason for the female teacher to agree to marry him is “do not want to be hurt any more”.

“After experiencing the birth and death of a family member, I yearn to have my own home. My husband does not mind my age and is ready to marry me. The child came suddenly and I had to win it. the chance to be my mother “, Cai Ky explained to the marriage. In one year, she accomplished everything from falling in love, marrying and giving birth to a baby.

But family life of two people is not “smooth” like that. When the child goes to bed, there are no more common interests, they just quietly do their own work, rarely talk to each other. Even when sitting at the same table, the couple did not know how to start the story, let alone their feelings.

Cai Ky is a professor at a university.  She married at the age of 39 with a husband who was inferior to her in all aspects because of public pressure.  Photo: qq.

Cai Ky is a professor at a university. She married at the age of 39 with a husband who was inferior to her in all aspects because of public pressure. Image: qq.

There are huge risks lurking in the marriage of Chinese eager old women eager to marry. There are also many people who are not merciful like lawyer Khau Hoa Mai. The public is always trying to force her to get married, especially the family members. For Khau, every return to his hometown is a disaster. During a family meeting, the hottest issue is always to urge her to get married as soon as possible.

Father Khau said that no matter how good a woman is, she must have a husband by her side. The mother is easily touched, she said her health is getting weaker and weaker, and her last wish in life is to see her daughter in a flower carriage. Other siblings accused Khau of “studying so much so be silly”. Even her grandchildren also gave her the nickname “Old Bachelor”.

Previously, Khau’s academic achievement was always admired by everyone in the village. She has had a solid career in Beijing, the family’s living standard is better than the villagers, but because she is not married, her family members become jokes for everyone, being pointed out every time they step out. out. In Khau’s hometown, “unmarried” is something of a shame. It made her seem still at the bottom of society.

At the end of each argument, Khau – who is known for his reason and acumen in the law profession – will fall into a state of insanity. Everyone criticized her for being too selfish. She can only speak like a machine and use her “roar” to silence everyone. The last one is to run away. While hiding in a room and hiding in Beijing, hopefully being able to ease the conflict between herself and her family in this way.

This 34-year-old girl doesn’t hate marriage. On the contrary, because she values ​​love, she hopes to wait for the right person. When she had run out of hope, she found a solution to freezing eggs to keep her rights as a mother. However, in China, women who want to do this service must have a marriage certificate. Powerless, Khau can only step into a matchmaking company and wait for a date to be arranged.

The first date has failed. The Beijing man, when he learned that she is from a foreign province, immediately refused because “not on the same level”. “The city center despises the suburbs, who live in the district will not ignore the people in the district. Even in the countryside, those with few brothers and sisters will discriminate against those who have many brothers and sisters. “, Bitter stitching.

No one values ​​affection, everyone looking for a mate has a clear purpose. Only the right conditions are needed to continue talking. Emotions were almost non-existent in these people’s request to choose a mate. Stitch withdrew from time to time. She tried switching strategies by going directly to the dating corner held in the parks to talk with her parents, but still failed. No one wants to talk to her when he hears her age, even hesitant to know that Khau is a lawyer.

Cai Ky and her husband did not know what to say during the meal, even though they were husband and wife.  Photo: qq.

Cai Ky and her husband did not know what to say during the meal, even though they were husband and wife. Image: qq.

Instructor Cai Ky, a 39-year-old woman who is married to a poor person in everything, realizes a mistake after her marriage. She said that with marriage, women should not be led by public opinion. “Have to think for yourself and hear your heart tell.” But once you have decided to enter marriage, no matter which direction you choose, there will be difficulties waiting in the future.

If choosing marriage, women have to accept that age is limited, especially in terms of fertility. “At the age of 35, fertility starts to decline at a rapid rate. Age also increases the risk of genetic problems. This is the reason why the child has Down syndrome in these women. 35 years old, “she said. There are only two ways to do this, one is to complete the birth before age 35, and the other is not to give birth.

According to Cai, if you choose to be single, you must accept the pressure that comes from public opinion. “You have to prepare for the future sooner to have enough economic capacity and a strong heart. Because your future is alone,” she said.

Before choosing to marry or single, every woman needs preparation: It is strong. Because life is inherently imperfect. Whether single or married, everyone has to experience death, abandonment, and even sacrifice.

“Regardless of your life choices, I hope you can bravely move forward, take control of your life and not give up it easily,” Cai Ky shared.

Attorney Khau Hoa Mai and lecturer Cai Ky became characters in the documentary “Leftover Women” performed by two Israeli directors, after accompanying them for nearly 5 years.

Hai Hien (Follow sohu)

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