Strange family of asexual man

AmericaDavid Jay, a asexual man, does not want to love, does not want sex, still wants to have a partner and have children. He has an unusual family.

Jay is the founder of the Clones Network and one of the most prominent names in the clones movement in America.

Asexual means not being sexually attractive, even though many people are sexually active or still in love. Born in a family of 36 cousins, Jay was very busy childhood. He has always wanted children, but he has long known that he cannot build a family the usual way.

Family of couple Kent, Hausfather and Jay (rightmost). Image: Theatlantic.

Since being a freshman at Wesleyan University in 2001, Jay has started to spend a lot of time sharing with the public about clones. In recent years, his concern has gone beyond his gender identity, towards the issue of children and family life. I don’t care how baby is made. But his problem is that he wants to have children and wants to have a partner with him to raise children, just not love, not sex with the partner.

He had to constantly “squeeze” creativity in finding such a partner. He spent a lot of time reaching out to different couples, discussing each other’s roles in life and how children fit that pattern. Jay remembers the first time he met someone he felt good at. The two discussed frankly what an ideal relationship would be like. Both do not want to date, sex. They just want to dance, cook, meditate together. He became the godfather of this woman’s son.

This kind of relationship progressed furthest to Avary Kent, whom he met in 2010. He later played well with her boyfriend Zeke Hausfather. The three felt a strong connection from the start. Although he later lived in another state for a few years, but Jay still flew back several times a year to visit the couple.

Not long after Kent and Zeke Hausfather got married, the couple sat down with Jay and talked about wanting him to be part of their family.
Their conversation has a lot to do with “getting involved” and limits. For example, when a crying baby can give it to the other two? Change diapers at 3 a.m. next to the couple’s bedside bed? … The trio also discussed tough questions about living together like “What if someone was seriously ill, what would happen? Out if someone finds a job elsewhere and wants to move? “…

They finally met an expert who talked about a third-parent’s choice of adoption and without hesitation they all said, “Yes, that’s what we want.”

On New Year’s Day 2017, Kent found out she was pregnant. When she was 5 months pregnant, Jay moved to San Francisco to live with. He took prenatal classes and stayed in the delivery room when Tavi was born in August of that year. The baby’s first and last name has the full surname of the biological parents and Jay – this is recognized by California law. Since then Jay became part of the surrogate parenting community (family community with more than two parents).

“Family of three” is not a new phenomenon and Jay does not consider himself a pioneer. According to Philip N. Cohen, a family sociologist at the University of Maryland, many parents, especially single or low-income individuals, have long brought in relatives and friends. children. The concept of a nuclear family of parents and children is obsolete and does not reflect America today.

A 2014 report found that more than half of all American children live in a different family, i.e. parents who have been divorced or remarried, as well as mixed families, even multiple families. love.

But it is relatively rare to formalize this family by law like Jay. Diana Adams, founder of the Chosen Family Law Center, said that over the past 15 years, the model of a three-person family has increased due to homosexual families and assisted reproductive technology. In the Adams experience, the most common adoptive parents’ applications are often lesbian couples and male sperm providers.

Just like the benefits of legal marriage over pure cohabitation, the legalization of raising 3 children also creates more stability than is not recognized by the law. For Jay, parenting is a way to regain “the diversity and beauty of the LGBT community”. When it comes to the rights of LGBT people, for decades, they have struggled to legalize same-sex marriage. This has important implications, but it also assumes that a family structure has two parents.

Jay with daughter.  Photo: Theatlantic.

Jay with daughter. Image: Theatlantic.

There is no statistics on the popularity of the family of 3 parents. But open-minded thinking and more open laws “are among the signs that the meaning of family is expanding,” Cohen said.

For Jay, the family arrangement went more smoothly than expected. Get a third pair of hands (and a third income) to make it easier to raise children. The division of parenting work in his family is carefully discussed and distributed in weekly meetings. No one gets tired of taking care of Tavi, for example, reading a baby book with Kent’s mother, playing a puzzle with his father Hausfather and walking in the park with Jay.

Professor Pamela Braboy Jackson, Indiana University said: “All of our research points to the fact that the quality of relationships, the handling of communication, conflicts and the number of people in the household. The family is not really the important factor. Just because family structure is different does not mean that family works differently.

Baby Tavi called Hausfather “Daddy” and Jay “Dada”. She realized around her there were friends with one father or mother and like Tavi, had two fathers and one mother. I realize there are many different types of families.

Ignoring all of the above, David Jay wants everyone to know that, if you are a asexual person who just wants to have children but does not want to love and sex, there are many ways to achieve aspirations, just have determination.

Bao Nhien (According to The Atlantic)


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