Reasons for arguing about money in marriage


Wrong financial vision, lack of compliance with pre-set financial goals, push couples to the pit of rift.

Different views on spending money

Financially struggling couples often don’t share the same overall vision. They have different conceptions of what is important, what is smart spending, or have different ideas. This caused marital problems in the first place, worsening over time.

For example, one person wants to go on a luxury vacation, while the other wants to save up to buy a house. Gradually, one person resented the other, thinking they were being too stingy or spending too much.

Solution: Couples need to sit down together, map out each person’s financial vision, and discuss it. If your family has done it already, do it again often.

Illustration: Fatherly

Don’t set financial goals

You and your spouse establish a financial plan, commit to it, and get ready to do it, but then take no action. Unable to turn the plan into action, couples return to old habits, easily leading to money disputes.

Solution: Set specific goals and dates for achieving those goals. Don’t just say, “We’ll save more,” say, “I want us to save X million on this day” and then commit to saving that money.

One in two overspends

This problem stems from the lack of financial connection information. Either one doesn’t know how the joint money is being spent or even the actual amount to keep the family running. They only spend money according to need, even beyond need.

Solution: You and your partner need to sit down and make a spending plan, considering all the expenses. You also need to set boundaries in your spending so that your partner doesn’t overspend, but doesn’t feel taken for granted.

Old beliefs about money

Many people still hold an outdated view of money, which has a lasting impact on how they handle their finances. For example, there is a concept that “men take care of the economy”, which leaves many women unprepared with skills and knowledge for financial matters when they grow up.

Similarly, many couples don’t talk about money when they’re dating, thinking it’s not a fun or romantic topic. So they have no plans before having to manage money together.

Solution: Try the “Money Story” exercise, in which you and your partner look back at your concept of money and how it feels to have had financial experiences in your youth. Take a look at the beliefs passed down in your family and see how it affects you.

One person has to deal with all the financial problems

In some marriages, one spouse may not be good with numbers or confident enough to face financial challenges. Over time, the other person has to shoulder it all and make all the decisions. This can cause additional stress in the marriage and even lead to resentment over feeling burdened.

Solution: Communication is key. Don’t be afraid to speak up about your concerns or your inability to deal with them. Money management is so complex that no question is stupid. A simple question can lead to a discussion around options and goals. Explanations often bring relief.

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