Overcoming the post-breakup period


When you’ve just been through a breakup, the first few weeks can be hard, even making it hard to know what to do with yourself.

Amy Chan, founder of the Renew Breakup Bootcamp, which specializes in providing psychological support to people experiencing emotional and marriage problems, outlines the steps needed to get through this phase.

The stages a person must face after a breakup include shock, feelings of rejection, depression, anger, desire to bargain, give in… Psychologists confirm, healing a person pain isn’t easy, whether it’s a breakup with a lover, a divorce, or whatever.

Illustration: Medium

Understand that feeling of loss is inevitable

The first thing to do is understand that breaking up is hard. During the first few days, your body will go into a state of shock. The close friend, chat, sex… is no longer present. The loss will make you feel lonely and scary. On a scientific basis, you are no longer getting doses of dopamine and oxytocin (the hormones that give you mental and physical pleasure). While your body is hungry for chemical repair but doesn’t get it, you fall into a state of exhaustion.

Keep yourself busy

You will be tempted to reach out to your ex, so make a plan to mitigate that temptation by focusing more on yourself. For the first two weeks, try to keep yourself busy. Spending time with friends, community, and taking care of yourself is a way to make you feel better. Also, boost your endorphin levels with exercise, especially something you’ve never tried before.

Contact others for support

You’ll miss your ex, but instead of texting them, reach out to others, like friends, family, or a therapist… “Let a friend be your listening partner. Self-suffering is not a good suggestion at this stage,” suggested Chan.

Don’t check your partner’s social media

While getting on your ex’s social media is a tempting temptation, do your best to resist it. Experts advise, before doing that curious work, stop and ask yourself if you are treating yourself well. The urge should be replaced with another behavior, for example calling a friend, going for a walk, writing a letter to a family member…

Remove all presences of the opponent

Along with avoiding checking your ex’s social media, Chan recommends removing their presence from your phone entirely. That means unfriending or blocking an ex on social media. Remember that you can always reconnect with them later, when the heartbreak is no longer stinging in your heart. Chan advises you to temporarily stay away from social networks, so that you are no longer obsessed with whether the other person is in contact with you or not.

Change living space

After a breakup, changing your living space can help you settle down mentally. If you’re living with that person, it’s best to move out as soon as possible. You should also change by repainting the house, changing the frame of the whole family, redesigning the living space… The less exposure you have to memories of your ex, the less likely you are to “re-create” addiction”.

Don’t have “last sex”

You’ll want to have sex one last time, before you break up – but don’t, says Chan, because that means you’re establishing an emotional connection, whether you think so or not. So if you’re trying to break up with your partner, don’t have sex with them. Having sex with your ex will make those bonds even harder to break, making you even more attached to your partner.

Plan a future without the old person

Creating new memories without the old ones can help you start your journey. For example, you can give yourself a vacation or choose a yoga course for yourself.

Reflecting on my relationship

After the pain has passed, look back at your relationship and reflect. Sometimes a breakup is a necessary transition, giving you a chance to reorient your life. Breaking up is a great time to reflect on yourself, evaluate what lessons you have to grow, improve, live more consciously. Pain is a great motivator of change. Use that pain to fuel yourself, to move towards the life and true love you desire.

Thuy Linh (According to Yahoo Life)

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