Condemning, disparaging stealing behavior means judging negative behavior with a negative attitude.
The story of a petty theft at a clothing store in Thanh Hoa a few days ago is attracting public attention and also giving rise to mixed opinions. When being sent articles by some parents, psychologist Kim Thanh, the author of the book Teach your child to self-study, can not help but worry. She worries that this psychological trauma will negatively affect the lives of two children who are about to enter life.
As a mother of four children and has worked as a psychotherapist for parents and children for the past decade, expert Kim Thanh knows that petty theft in children is not uncommon. My son did the same thing, five years ago.
When I was in 1st grade, I took home my classmate’s badge card without asking to borrow it. When discovered, the child said that he really liked playing that card, but only in the packet of chips, while his parents did not let him eat this dish. So the boy planned to bring the item home to play one night, and then return it the next morning. Baby is afraid to ask if you don’t agree, so keep it first, pay later.
Ms. Thanh calmly sat down to talk and ask questions carefully so that her children would be aware that if they wanted to take or borrow other people’s things, they had to ask first and get their permission, because it was their own property. .
She also helps me to realize that if I borrow or take things from anyone, including relatives like my parents, without asking to borrow, ask for and without permission. such behavior is considered petty theft. This is behavior that is against both the law and morality, is ridiculed by everyone and will bring a bad reputation.
The mother also suggested: “If you want to have that card next time, what else can you do?”. Baby replied: “Will ask to borrow you, change things for you, give you things to lend you…”.
“When I understood the problem, my son was a bit afraid to admit his fault. I encouraged him to admit it when he made a mistake. I sincerely apologize and absolutely do not repeat the mistake to be forgiven and especially to respect himself”, Ms. Thanh shared.
The next afternoon, when he came home from school, the boy happily said he apologized to his friend and returned the toy to his friend. She also teaches the technique of playing card shooting far away and gives you a toy of hers. That friend loved playing with Kim Thanh’s children, so he gave that card as a gift, along with another card.
Since then, the mother has noticed that her son is much more conscious than his peers about honesty, integrity, self-esteem in study and life. I never cheated in the exam because I want high scores, I don’t want to ask my mother to check and remind me to do the right thing, but I always do it on my own to know my ability and try harder next time. When I need to buy something, I usually talk to my mother first and use my savings to buy it. Several times, she intentionally left change in conspicuous places in the house, but I never took it.
“When you detect a child stealing, consider it an opportunity to help children understand and adjust their behavior in accordance with the law and ethics,” the psychologist said.
According to this expert, except for minors who steal to obtain illegal property because of material greed, or because of “familiar stealing”, most of the cases of snacking in children come out. from one of the following reasons:
– Compulsive petty theft (rare);
– Want to own and have the things you like right away, even though they are not yours, but you are not aware of ethical and legal wrongdoings.
– Satisfy physical and psychological needs that cannot be ignored (addicted to games, buy things for friends with friends so that you don’t feel inferior…) even though you know the behavior is wrong.
– Rebellious, wanting attention, wanting attention from those close and important to them.
Try to push boundaries, see petty theft as playing a risky game (usually during puberty).
– You entice, force.
– Lack of material and spiritual means to satisfy psychological needs, emotional deprivation, loneliness, abuse and violence.
– Infected with habits from the study environment, living environment where people often steal, lie, greed for property that is not theirs…
Most of the causes stem from psychology, personal perception, habits and also the impact of family and social cultural factors. Therefore, the fact that adults, especially parents and teachers, when discovering petty behavior in children, can sit back and talk and ask questions to help children promptly change their perception and behavior properly. things need to do. Particularly for children who experience compulsive petty theft, they need psychotherapy.
“Absolutely don’t say criticisms that hurt children, don’t insult, slander, attribute personality, punish by caning,” Ms. Thanh emphasized and said that these behaviors do not help children perceive clear problem to change. On the contrary, children will react more negatively, reducing their self-esteem, causing them to label themselves as bad people. Even with sensitive children, there may be behaviors that are harmful to themselves.
Sharing the same view, expert Hong Huong of the Vietnam Association for the Protection of Children’s Rights, emphasized How you talk is more important than what you talk about.
In life, almost every adult makes mistakes. When talking to children about stealing, if adults only judge, condemn, and threaten, the child is more likely to repeat this behavior with the wrongdoer. Instead, the story should focus on the loss or harm of the person being stolen; focus on the sadness and sadness of parents, teachers and friends before this behavior of the child.
When children are taught to understand how to deal with their own mistakes as well as those of others, we are avoiding behaving like the owner of a clothing store.
“No matter what age, the most precious thing a child has is the fear of being separated from the people they love,” the expert said.
Any bad incident has many causes, especially the bad behavior of minors is greatly influenced by the educational environment of the family and the group of friends.
So note to parents, as soon as we prepare for the journey of parenthood, we must give up our bad behaviors, if we do not want our children to suffer, and at the same time have to observe the influence of our children. to your group of friends and vice versa for appropriate interventions.