Fear of being invited to a wedding

Riding a motorbike for more than 200 km to Binh Thuan to celebrate his wedding but was not welcomed, Mai said that at that time, “nine people were embarrassed” because it felt like he was begging for a meal.

At the end of August, Nguyen Le Mai, 30 years old, in Binh Thanh district (HCMC), accepted an invitation to go to her hometown to attend a friend’s wedding. In the playgroup Mai is the only one to return to the bride’s hometown, the others all send money to celebrate because of the distance. “If it wasn’t for my close friends, I wouldn’t have given more money,” she said.

Planning to go to the bride’s house early to meet and take pictures with the bride, but for more than 30 minutes Mai was still standing outside the gate because no one invited in, called the bride, then turned off the phone. She shyly went inside, trying to find a seat because most of the tables were occupied or reserved.

“Feeling lonely and lost because I’m not welcome, I just want to meet the bride to give a congratulatory envelope and go home. I know the family is busy, but there should also be people to visit and lead to the table, especially people went hundreds of kilometers back to the party and didn’t know anyone like me,” lamented the 30-year-old girl.

Thuc Han, 28 years old, Hoang Mai district (Hanoi) also had an unhappy experience when she was invited to a wedding by her new friend two weeks ago. “It’s a pity to send money to congrats, don’t be afraid to send it back”, Han said this is the 5th card she received in September. Three of the weddings are people who have not contacted for many years.

In addition to the epidemic period and the 7th lunar month, Han attends two weddings on average every month. Bonus money from 300,000 VND to 500,000 VND, only close friends or relatives must be several million VND. There are months when it costs 5 million dong to go to a wedding, making Han’s salary only 7 million dong not enough to spend, so she has to borrow outside. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had any spare money just because I went to a wedding. Honestly, I’m afraid of being invited to a wedding,” sighed the girl.

A wedding Mai and her friends attended in Dong Nai in August 2022, was warmly welcomed by the owner. Image: Characters provided

There are currently no statistics showing how many people are “afraid of being invited to a wedding” in Vietnam like Han and Mai, but a quick survey of reporters VnExpress On September 23, with 102 people aged 20-45 psychologically when invited to a wedding, 75.5% admitted to having fallen into an awkward situation when going to a party. In which, 40.1% said that they feel lost and forgotten when attending a party without knowing anyone; 28.7% were invited to marry by someone not close to them; and 31% of other unpleasant reasons related to the service of the staff, poor behavior of the bride and groom or being asked for wedding money.

Pham Ha Phu, 32 years old, founder of a wedding planning company in Ho Chi Minh City, said that in fact, there are still bad experiences of guests coming to the party, but it often happens in weddings with high numbers of people. large number of guests, the owner wants to show off his superiority, or make a profit from the welcome money; the bride and groom do not have experience in organizing and have not been consulted thoroughly.

“This not only causes discomfort and inhibition for guests, but also causes the couple to lose close relationships,” Mr. Phu shared.

Like Mai, after being forgotten at a friend’s wedding and having to sit at the same table with strangers, she has a cautious mentality every time she receives an invitation. Instead of enthusiastically going to all the weddings as before, the 30-year-old girl only sent congratulatory money, even to close friends. “I don’t want to lose money, waste time and bring humiliation and fatigue to my body,” Mai said.

But Assoc. Prof. Dr. Nguyen Ngoc Tho, Dean of the Faculty of Culture, University of Social Sciences and Humanities, Vietnam National University, Ho Chi Minh City, said that it is very normal to have to share a table with strangers.

“In the case of being placed with strangers, some people think that they are unlucky and are not well received by the host while many others consider it a normal thing, actively making new friends and acquaintances. This is a matter of the times and we need to adapt accordingly,” Mr. Tho said.

After many times being invited by social relationships to marry, Thuc Han established a rule to only attend intimate weddings, in other cases, he would refuse directly, not send congratulatory money and accept to lose friends. “Many people say I calculate when I set up strict rules for going to a wedding. But inviting new people to meet 1-2 times or many years without contact, they consider wedding invitations as a form of business, make a few trays to collect money. I’m not rich enough to spend all my days earning money to enrich others,” she confided.

Khanh An, 29 years old, in Nghe An is still haunted by the bride and groom asking for money, comparing thick or thin envelopes. An said, many of her friends have been married 3-4 times in many places; send online invitations to people who are studying abroad; even write the account number on the personal page after the wedding with the content “who is not yet happy to get married, send it to this account number”… to try to collect many envelopes.

Like three months ago, because he could not send the congratulatory money due to a business trip, An was directly texted by his high school friend, urging him to transfer money to close the book, and post-wedding profit and loss statistics. “I was shocked and felt like I was being asked for a debt, whether happy or not is the right of the guest. All forms of demanding wedding money, whether public or private, are very offensive. Honestly, I don’t want to come to congratulate people. this,” said An.

A friend of An wrote a notice on his personal page about sending money to celebrate his wedding, September 2022.  Photo: Character provided

A friend of An wrote a notice on his personal page about sending money to celebrate his wedding, September 2022. Image: Characters provided

Also in the survey of VnExpress, when asked what characteristics they would like to attend weddings, 47.7% said they would attend a simple wedding, only inviting close friends; 21.6% want to be welcomed and thoughtfully arranged seats; 23.9% expect not to put too much importance on the wedding celebration and 6.8% do not want to be invited to the wedding.

Hong Thao, 28 years old, from Thanh Tri district (Hanoi) once received a number of complaints, discomfort, even being cut off by guests after attending the party because of the feeling of not being received well.

“I have limited the number of guests to less than 400 people, most of them are close friends to get the best service. Before the wedding, we also assigned a receptionist, but due to thin human resources, plus the host could not know the guests. Who is the party’s friend to arrange the table, so there are still shortcomings. Just hope everyone understands, ignore if there are bad experiences,” Thao explained.

Assoc. Prof. Dr. Nguyen Ngoc Tho also said that all responsibility should not be placed on the bride, groom and relatives of the two sides who are not attentive but need sympathy, because they also run everywhere to take care of the wedding party. got the table. “Now you go to their party, tomorrow they come to your party. Look at the bright happy smile on the bride’s and groom’s faces, and ignore all the things that are considered unpleasant,” he said. Poetry said.

In order for the guests not to be pressured when receiving the card, Mr. Pham Ha Phu advised the bride and groom to consider carefully when making a list of party attendees, emphasizing simplicity, fun, and warmth instead of the inviting mentality. much, hope to recover capital. During the organization, families should send someone specializing in assisting guests from the door, directly leading to the banquet table prepared according to the seating list.

“Like the weddings I’ve held are limited to about 300 guests or less, in order to best serve them. For outdoor parties, privacy requirements, inviting about 100 guests are also popular,” said Mr. Phu. said and said that this trend of organizing weddings has been directed by many young people in the past few years.

Wishing to hold a small wedding, receiving the blessings of the guests of the two families, Thao Trang, 27 years old, decided to hold the main party in her hometown in Ben Tre, invite relatives, neighbors and celebrate in Saigon, but Only invite close friends.

The 27-year-old girl admitted that she wanted to invite her old classmates and colleagues to attend the wedding in her hometown to save money, but she was afraid of the long distance, and the reception process, if not attentive, would easily lose her heart. Not to mention, she once fell into a lonely and lost situation when she had to eat and marry alone, causing Trang to have to think of another option.

“I hope my happy day will receive sincere blessings from friends instead of just calculating the loss and making guests come to the event in a forced, forced, uncomfortable mentality,” Trang confided.

Minh Tam – Quynh Nguyen


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