A lot of people have false beliefs about marriage and often go wrong with that belief, leading to failure.
Nowadays, a strictly drafted marriage contract is not too strange. Celebrities, influencers on social networks also build marriage contracts with their partners. They believe that is the basis for justice, for lasting happiness.
Of course, each spouse must share equally in the common house, but too calculating about fairness can easily lead to marriage breakdown.
This is because:
– The desire to split something 50/50 is impossible. There will always be inaccuracies and inconsistencies.
– Monitoring contracts makes couples become calculating, even “scoring” each other.
Contracts are based on rigid and unequivocal rules. Meanwhile, marriage has many things that need to be flexible. Things change and circumstances evolve. The solution does not always apply according to the contract. Demanding equality in situations where flexibility is needed can lead to arguments over who should take turns.
Your life partner always understands you
Over time, you will get to know your partner better and respond to requests the way your spouse needs. But that’s not a necessary part of a healthy and happy marriage.
It’s important that two people are willing to talk about their feelings, needs, and desires with each other. In contrast, the spouse is willing to do what is possible for the spouse when asked.
Marriage therapy is only for broken marriages
Studies show that, on average, most couples wait 6 years before seeking support for marital problems. They didn’t realize the seriousness of the matter until it was too late.
Even if you don’t have serious problems in your marriage, you can still benefit greatly from marital therapy. Therapy provides the tools needed to actively manage future problems:
Improved communication: Marriage therapy can help you sort through miscommunication, find ways to prevent it, and deal with it if it happens later. It ends the lack of communication, by encouraging both of you to open up more. The tools you learn will help make your marriage happy and lasting.
Help see the other person’s point of view: It’s only natural to see things from your perspective. Even if you try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, it still takes cues to guide you. Marriage therapy helps you calmly listen to each other’s perspectives on different issues and experiences.
Help set goals together: All marriages need to set some goals and priorities. But if you firmly believe that you can make your goals a reality without help, you are wrong. Achieving this goal with support has many benefits. A therapist can provide guidance based on your knowledge and experience to help you set better goals. Ongoing counseling ensures that both spouses are on track to achieve their dreams and priorities.
Happy husband and wife must have the same hobby
If you’ve ever used a dating service, you’ll often fill in your interests, an important criterion for finding the right partner. People usually want to date someone who can share everything, which is not bad, but not the most important thing.
Husband and wife must have the same taste is a common false belief in marriage. The Pew Research Center found that 64% of people think it’s important to have shared interests in a marriage.
It doesn’t matter if you have similar interests, it’s important to respect each other’s interests, listen to your spouse talk about their interests, spend quality time together, even if it can’t be related to your interests. interests of both, being willing to compromise or take turns participating in activities that are the interests of the other.
Having a baby will save a marriage
Having children helps couples empathize and understand each other more deeply. It can increase intimacy and closeness, leading to deeper bonding. You are wiser and broaden your horizons. But that’s only if the relationship is good.
If you want to repair or save a marriage, having children is not the way to go. Parenting can reveal some significant potential problems, even in happy relationships. Of course, for a marriage in trouble, that would be even worse, for reasons.
Differences in parenting styles
If you are facing a lot of conflict in your marriage, having children will make it worse. Now you must find a way to unify the upbringing and care of a child. Every parent’s defense of their children will create these brutal battles without healthy communication in advance.
Children do not always show affection to both parents in the same way. At a very young age, they may prefer to receive support from one parent over another. Spouses may feel jealous of this and lash out if they already have problems in the relationship.
You do not have time
Healing a marriage takes time and effort from all parties. Life is getting busier and busier and you hardly have time for yourself let alone for each other.
You are more sentimental
If you’re already stressed out by marital problems, your kids will only make it worse. You will be more irritable and less willing to talk.
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