A 7-year-old girl living in Shanghai ran away from home when she was criticized by her parents for doing her homework wrong.
Luckily this little girl was later found. When the police first met her, she was very agitated, refusing to go home no matter how convincing she was. “Parents always criticize their children for ignorance, not to be worthy of their parents’ children.” Not only that, she also accused her mother of regularly hitting her when she did a wrong job and demanding to stay with her grandparents in Shaanxi province.
Renowned American psychologist Haim Ginott once said: “Criticism is to make children aware of defects and make them improve. Many parents do not realize that if they criticize constantly, children do not develop according to their own. the direction they expect that is sometimes counterproductive. “
Why are the criticisms counterproductive
In the program “The teacher please answer” of Beijing TV station appeared a boy in grade 2 named Trau Kieu. Every time he tutored his child to do homework, his mother always criticized his son, whether it was slow dictionary search, lack of punctuation when writing spelling or a simple math error …
Buffalo Kieu’s score has not improved. For this reason, his mother asked him to study hard before the exam, but his performance was terrible, the worse his grades.
Helpless with her son, the mother increases the vicious circle, criticizes and insults, even hits her child. Whenever he sat at school he always cowered, like a scared kitten. The 7-year-old boy said: “Sometimes just visualizing the mother’s face makes me feel shaky.”
Many parental criticism does not work for a child, often because it contains anger and accusations. Children will not feel the interest but only find themselves poor, failing in school. “Instead of surrendering to the authority of their parents or acquiring knowledge, children will focus on criticizing their parents. If things continue like this, the psychological burden will be heavier and the learning becomes more and more severe. should be more difficult, “said Haim Ginott.
What children need is help, not denial
Facing the child’s feelings of rebellion and disappointment, parents have to adjust themselves but also help their children out of difficulties.
1. Accept the child’s educational level
Every child does not have to grow up for an instant and neither does learning, knowledge accumulates little by little. Each child’s ability to absorb knowledge is different, so the mastery of learning is also different.
Parents should allow and accept the child’s developmental pace, wait for them, and allow them to make mistakes. Only by checking the mistakes when making mistakes and making up for themselves, the children know how to correct them and grow up from there.
2. Children need encouragement rather than criticism
Compared to criticism, children really need encouragement. Properly encouraging children can boost self-confidence, which in turn helps them resilient to challenges and motivates efforts to the end.
Recently popular Chinese variety show “Lovely Little Desk” features writer Pho Thu Nhi and his two children. The guests participating in this program commented: “The writer’s way of educating the children is compared like a rainbow and a sun above a child’s head”.
Faced with his son Khai Khai who has always had low self-esteem, Deputy Thu Nhi encourages: “Do you know why Mom often assigns a lot of homework? Because I’m so smart. Doing homework with me is as easy as eating a piece of cake. so “. For Hy Hy’s daughter, a student who is depressed in studying, she finds out her strengths and arouses her confidence. “It’s wonderful, the handwriting is so beautiful, so beautiful that I am even jealous of this.” With the encouraging “wave” of encouragement, the two children not only have high spirits but also complete the exercises positively and effectively.
So, don’t be stingy with words of encouragement. When you see your child’s flaws, first find strengths and strengthen that confidence, giving them motivation to correct their mistakes.
3. Release emotions and anxiety
Parents are also human beings, not gods. During the day I was exhausted, I have tutored my children in the evening, unable to avoid being exhausted both physically and mentally. Stress and loss of control are sometimes inevitable.
But the most important thing is to know what your feelings are and to deal with it before teaching your child. Need to learn ways to release emotions such as listening to music, taking a walk or talking to a friend. Only when the negative feelings of a parent are eliminated do not pass to the children.
Learning is a long process, don’t let criticism turn it into hard labor that children hate and want to throw away. The child is like a seed, the harsh environment will only force them to survive in cracks. You cannot imagine how this seed would produce splendid flowers, sweet fruits. “They can rise up, soaring up to the sky,” said the writer Pho Thu Thu.
Hai Hien (According to sohu)