7 toxic phrases couples often say


Couples sometimes do not need to keep their mind, but saying words without consideration in a sensitive moment can easily push the marriage down the cliff.

“Couples want to share but don’t get positive results because they’re too careless in their words and words. They think they said X, but their partner hears Y,” says Becky Whetstone, a marriage therapist and family in Little Rock, Arkansas (USA), said.

Here are harmful phrases to avoid and suggestions for alternatives:

“This isn’t a big deal” or “You’ll get through it”

These sentences are meant to try to cheer up your partner, hoping they don’t see what they’re going through too seriously. However, such encouragement makes no sense for those facing emotional stress, according to American marriage and family therapist Amanda Baquero.

“Telling ‘will get through’ just makes them feel that sharing with you is a mistake,” the expert said.

If you want to support your partner during a difficult time, try saying, “I know it’s hard. I understand why you feel this way. We can get through it together.”

He looks just like his father

Saying that your partner is exactly like a relative, often gives off a sense of war. Saying these words as if your partner has a negative trait or behavior that is both offensive and unfair.

“It shows irresponsibility and makes the other person feel punished,” says Abigail Makepeace, a family and marriage therapist in Los Angeles. “.

Makepeace suggests that instead of saying negative things about your partner and his/her family, articulate what specific actions bother you and ask for change.

“I always…” or “I never….”

This is a common way of saying in moments of disappointment, but it’s rare to appreciate a partner. Criticism, often wrapped up in this “you always” or “you never,” automatically puts your partner on the defensive.

“Saying that just makes your partner ignore what you say. They are also frustrated when the accusations are not true,” Whetstone said.

To have a productive conversation, be clear about what’s bothering you and how you feel. Instead of saying, “You’re always holding on to your phone,” say, “I feel abandoned or disconnected when you’re hooked on social media before bedtime.”

“When you choose the right words and express them in a way that’s not the same as pointing, an informed mate will listen and act to meet your needs,” says Whetstone.

“You’re wrong. Why don’t you do as I say”

It’s easy to get frustrated when your partner does something “the wrong way” or differently from you. It could be something as small as how to use the dishwasher, pack for a trip, or deal with a problem with another family member.

“However, giving advice in a negative and imposing manner can leave your partner on the defensive and feeling taken for granted. Next time, you could try saying, ‘It sounds like you’re having a hard time. towel. I have an idea that might help. Would you like to hear it?'”, Baquero said. This expression helps your partner see that they are working on a problem together, rather than in competition.

I want to finish

Saying “I hate you” “I want a divorce”… can be significantly hurtful, even if you don’t mean it. It’s okay to get angry at each other, but lashing out and saying extreme things in times of stress isn’t healthy, according to marriage therapist Whetstone.

“It’s better to stay calm, then go back and calmly discuss what isn’t working. This is where we can approach in a better way,” she said.

Whetstone often reminds clients: Things said in a state of hysteria are often exaggerated, not real feelings, but can be deeply hurtful.

If you want to express your thoughts properly, say something like, “I’m so mad at you right now that I want to end it, but I know it’s not.”

“I’m too sensitive”

When your partner is upset and you dismiss them by saying they are too sensitive or too emotional, you are in the wrong.

Therapist Makepeace says: “It’s not fair that you decide how a person should feel. Telling someone their reaction is ‘too’ doesn’t help.”

If you don’t understand or agree with your partner’s point of view, try not to be judgmental. A sincere statement like, “I understand why it hurts,” can help your partner feel heard.

Silent

Sometimes silence can be as damaging as saying the wrong thing. The act of closing the door and leaving the room, refusing to talk about the issue at hand, can easily leave a spouse feeling abandoned in the time of need to connect, says psychotherapist Brittany Bouffard.

“Refusing to talk during or after a conflict is like a bomb, leaving the other side with no idea why you’re hurting or how to change the status quo,” says Bouffard.

Asking your partner to take time to think or lose their temper is fine, but ignoring or not talking is not advisable. Try telling the other person that you need a few minutes of silence but are ready to return to the conversation.

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