10 parent behaviors that make children ‘trouble’ in adulthood


Most of us realize that abuse or neglect can have a lasting effect on a child. But there are many other small and harmful actions that you might not expect.

Psychologist Mary Trump – author of the book “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man” sold nearly a million copies on the date of its release – analyzed, dysfunctional family will affect the child. Here are 10 parent behaviors that have a negative impact on their children, listed in the book.

1. Overprotecting the child

Afraid of falling down, afraid of being in contact with puppies and kittens, they would cough, it was not windy to cover them warmly … A lot of parents are covering their children like this.

Further, they take care of their children in advance, handling all problems with the relationships around them. These overprotected babies often have no life experience growing up. As a result, they are prone to failure and once they fail, they have no capacity to stand up on their own. That is misfortune.

2. Losing your child’s emotions

You keep saying “don’t worry about baby”, “hold it off”, actually this message is very counterproductive. Because you are teaching your child to hide his or her feelings, drown the emotion down, make them hide their emotions or paralyze their emotions in unhealthy ways as adults.

Drowning the child’s emotions does more harm than good. Image: Business Insider.

3. Only praise achievements

When a parent compliments your child for getting the perfect score on a test or the top score in a game, you’re teaching your child that achievement is more important than anything else.

Children who hear only praise for achievement can foster the mindset of success at all costs. They can lie, cheat to become winners.

Parents should praise their children throughout the process, to show them that they have worked hard to achieve success or are willing to bravely do something that they did not dare to overcome at first.

4. Make your child live the way you want

Many parents have wounds in their hearts that have not been healed, so they want their children to do what they have not yet done, as a way to heal their wounds. Children like this will grow up with no pride in themselves, a lack of capacity to take responsibility. They can be frustrating with their parents and also depend on them to help make decisions.

5. Expect perfection

Setting high goals can be good for children. This teaches children that they can do more than they think they can. But perfection is also a double-edged sword because it is immeasurable. Children may grow up thinking that they are not good enough because they cannot achieve what their parents want.

6. Use your fear to make your child submit

Parents make children afraid, threaten to embarrass their children, or beat their children to obey. This way is extremely counterproductive. The child is more likely to make a decision based on fear, not what they believe is right. This can lead to a deviation from healthy moral standards when growing up.

7. Try to fight for your love

Many separated or divorced couples often have the habit of defaming their former spouses, in order to gain the support of their children. This can relax the parent for a moment, but the consequences are harmful to the children. Your children can become manipulators as they grow up.

8. Makes children feel guilty

Regularly remind your kids how hard you worked to buy their stuff or emphasize that they need to love their parents because they took care of them, which can make them feel guilty about what. they want.

This can also make children an easy target for those who want to cheat on their information or use them as tools for them by using similar crimes. They can also turn into someone who uses guilt as a weapon against loved ones.

9. Make children assume the role of pillars

In fact, there are weak parents who are not sure about their decisions so they depend on their children. The child deserves to be loved and cared for, and now must take care of and comfort his parents. Telling your child more information and taking on more responsibility than he or she is capable of increases anxiety. Growing up, you will be a person who always worries, trying to control everything around to feel safe.

10. Give the child more material than spirit

This sentence is cliché but true – kids need your presence more than gifts. Parents who are always glued to the phone or too busy to make money and forget to cultivate feelings with their children can make it difficult for children to develop healthy relationships as adults.

Bao Nhien (According to the Business Insider)

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